Brian's confession:

Before the confession:

Alright, so normally I don't bother myself with companies merging, and what-not. It's always been in my opinion that eventually all of the companies will conglomerate into one giant EarthCo and we'll all be fucked. However, the recent announcement of the WB network's merger with UPN has me a little uneasy, and here's why:

The confession:

Okay, so as you all know, my favorite television show ever, Mystery Science Theater 3000 went off the air about six or so years ago. The television show that made my Saturday nights simply didn't have enough viewers to warrant an eleventh season on the Sci-Fi channel. It was at this point that a void was left in my life, a void which I thought no television show would ever fill.

It was on a rather crappy Thursday night in my house in Whitesboro that I was flipping through the stations, and happened upon the WB.

Okay, I've been keeping it a secret for years... I love the Gilmore Girls. God dammit. I said it. I fucking love the Gilmore Girls, I tried to keep it covered up for years, even from my closest friends and family. Hell, when Aubrey started hanging out every night, I watched the OC with her, never letting it slip that the only reason that I was doing so was to see what the fuck Lane Kim's boyfriend was doing as Seth in fucking Orange County, California.

I was there the first time Rory met Dean, I was there for every single Friday night dinner at the Gilmore estate. I have a "Jackson for Town Selectman" button. I eat pop tarts. Sometimes, when I'm not going out anywhere, I'll put on a flanel shirt and a backward baseball cap and cook pancakes for myself.

It's an addiction, a six season long addiction. I want to go to Stars Hollow and beat the life from Logan, mostly because Rory is the only character on TV that has the EXACT same body shape as Aubrey, but also because I know she'd get all of my random jokes, plus she fucks on the first date (See ep. 513, Wedding Bell Blues). I want to bitch slap Taylor for being such a worthless dick, and I want to give Kirk a high-five, because honestly, Kirk's the fucking man. His net worth is 250,000 dollars, for Christ's sake.

So, anyway, I know they're saying this is the last season and everything, but God Dammit, I don't want it to be, and this WB/UPN merger is exactly the kind of thing that will keep me from seeing such things as: Luke and Lorelai's first kid together, what happens to Lane's band (They have a Brian AND Sebastian Bach), Kirk and Lulu's marriage and Paris dying in a car accident.

And even if it IS the last season, what's to say that the WB/UPN network won't run them in syndication for the next ten years? (Not that I don't own all five seasons on DVD, don't get me wrong.) I mean, what the fuck? Shall I be denied my fast-paced dialogue, unidentifiable pop-culture references and crazy camerawork that could only be described as "erratic"? Will I not get to witness Richard and Emily blathering on about classy rich-folk nonsense that no one understands? And what about Jason? Come on, he was a cool dude, bring that weirdo back.

In conclusion, I love the Gilmore Girls. There. I said it. Now you all know.

And, just so you all don't think I've gone soft, or gay, here's something I made with Photoshop:

http://photobucket.com/albums/b209/AGoodBoyInBed/?action=view¤t=needs.jpg

Creepy, right? See, I've still got my unsettling edge, I just happen to love Gilmore Girls. On what other show can you find such a realistic hot mom/hot daughter combo? (Rory has a weird face, I know)

Please sign petitions to keep the Gilmore Girls on the air for six more seasons, and stop the WB/UPN company from committing this heinous crime. Now I'm going to go down to Doose's, pick me up some fixin's and have Sookie mix me up some mashed 'tatoes. Then we're all going to Miss Patty's for the town meeting. Isn't that swell?

-Brian